Dr. Jane's Articles

                                        Understanding Through Communication 

The more we understand each other the better we can communicate. Perhaps you have been in an environment where what was said and what was heard were completely different. These kinds of interactions leave people with hurt feelings, misunderstandings and in extreme cases can actually cause a person to be fired, laid-off… or in a family… may cause a divorce.

Communication is the largest lesson that we are to learn when interacting with others. I have been studying Neuro-linguistics for over 30 years and it is by far the best teacher for communicating effectively that I have ever learned.

For instance, you might say that you behave in a particular manner because you are afraid of losing your job. Yet people aren’t so much afraid of “things” as they are afraid of the feelings those things and experiences would give them. If you think that you are afraid of losing your job, what you are really feeling is how would you feel if it really happened?

Some people are so afraid of what might happen that they spend their whole lives running away from particular feelings. The problem with that is what you focus on actually takes place and increases. So, the more that you fear and place your attention on that fear, the more likely it is to happen. You may choose to know that 98.3% of your fears never come true. That is a lot of wasted feelings and emotions on what will never take place.

The good news is that feelings are just sensations and do not really mean anything. The best thing is to just feel them accept them and move on. You can place your attention on what you really choose, not what might or might not happen. Now that you have felt the feelings, you are free to focus on what you really want instead. What might that be for you? The same thing happens in our language and communications at work or at home. 

I have learned that 60% of communicating is the body, 30% is the tone and 10% are the words. This could explain why so much of what we communicate is lost in translation between people, especially when people are upset or angry. It is also true that many people only listen to what they want to hear, not what is said. For most of us, we spend so much of our “listening” waiting for our turn to speak, not what is said by the other person. 

My suggestion is when you are attempting to communicate, place yourself in the shoes, the position, of the other person and view the conversation from their perspective. You will be amazed at what you learn.

The Power of Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbal communication is probably the most powerful and least acknowledged communication tool in a business relationship. 

For hundreds of years, educators and scientists have studied the use of non-verbal communication as it pertains to healing and to wellness. There are multitudes of books on the subject and one of the youngest methodologies and practices in the study of the verbal and non-verbal language is using Neuro-Linguistic Programming, (NLP). This methodology is widely used in the fields of business, therapy, coaching, education and the healing arts internationally. It was originally developed by two educators; Richard Bandler and John Grinder. One a computer expert and the other a linguist; they collaborated and modeled experts like Milton Erickson, Virginia Satir and Gregory Bateson, to name a few.  The results are that they created a model for understanding human behavior, beliefs and ways of being that now make it easier and a more complete method for understanding our fellow humans. It is from this NLP perspective that I will share with you one of the uses of non-verbal language skills; one of the most over looked and powerful non-verbal skills…your breath.

When you get angry or stressed do you remember to breathe? Many of us, if we feel cornered or confronted automatically stop breathing. It’s a habit that we developed as children. When we were very small and our parents became angry with us, we would stop breathing. It seems we felt that if we didn’t breathe, they couldn’t find us! This is an unconscious habit that most of us tend to carry over into adulthood.

Situations can be avoided, calmed, or even escalated through the artful use of breathing. Learn to watch and mirror another’s breathing patterns and you will be able to assist the other person in calming down or gaining greater focus as examples. 

Pay attention to your body’s non-verbal messages, your feelings and your internal yardstick. Your internal yardstick is the feeling that you get when you know that something is either “right” or “wrong” for you, meaning it either was or was not supportive to you.  

An example of the power of breath is to notice your own breathing. Every ninety minutes you alter the nostril through which you breathe. When breathing through the right nostril, (controlling the left side of the brain,) you will be more logical, approaching life in a less emotional manner.

When breathing through the left nostril, (controlling the right side of the brain,) you tend to be more creative. As events call for a more creative and less mental approach, it is easier to be breathing through the right nostril. You can actually force this by blocking one side and forcing yourself to breathe through the opposite side. 

Using the breath as a barometer for how you are doing can set you apart from the mundane. Maximizing the control of your breath is probably one of the most important and cost-effective tools gifted to mankind. The controlled use of the breath can distill fear, increase motivation, release depression, engage one’s humorous side and increase self-worth. It is the original “don’t leave home without it tool!”

********************************************************************

Bullies in Your Workplace …. They Aren’t Just in School Anymore!

According to the University of New Mexico’s latest study reported on the local news (CBS,) over 70% of companies have bullies. These individuals not only cause disgruntled workers and increase attrition, but can actually be a main contributor to health issues among your employees. Is this really how you choose to run your business? 

Over the last number of years I have been presenting a workshop titled “Assertiveness Without Offensiveness…An Everyday Issue”. ™ I wrote articles on this issue that were published both on my web site (www.thebusinessconnection.com) as well as in the Albuquerque Journal, Business Outlook Section, (“Violence in Our Workplace,” June 6, 2002.) I talked about violence within the workplace being one of the largest issues we have in business, and it continues in 2022.

My statistics were taken right off the U.S. Department of Justice’s web site and I quoted it as reporting that the largest cause of death among male workers was violence in the workplace. They even mentioned that it was the second largest cause of death among women in the workplace. Why do you suppose this is? 

Why do we allow bosses, coworkers and supervisors to bully us? I am guessing that one of the most prevalent reasons is we are terrified of losing our jobs and therefore in fear of not being able to support our families or ourselves. So, we just let it go on and live in the world of “do nothing.” Doing nothing keeps us safe, but certainly not healthy and clearly not happy or satisfied in our work.

It doesn’t matter if you have an environment that employs a handful of people or a multi-national corporation; bullies, like mosquitoes in the summer, love to thrive in groups of people. You know the kind. These are the ones who have a need to be right. They have a desire to feel more important and certainly enjoy putting someone else down. It also doesn’t have to be a coworker. Many times, it is the boss who is the largest mosquito! Violence in the workplace is not restricted to someone shooting coworkers, but includes those behaviors as innocuous as being a full time or part time bully; just like those on the school grounds we all remember from elementary and middle school.

In our workplace, bullies are the perpetrators of sexual harassment, anger, yelling at others, and putting you down so you feel less than. They make fun of your suggestions, they come to work late more times than they are on time and yes, they can be the ones who seemingly have power over you; be it your supervisor, boss or just the one that you think is better liked than you are. Bullies thrive on having power over someone and they never excel at having equal power with another.

So, what do we do about this? It is time to begin taking our power back and standing up for ourselves, just like we had to do in grade school. Today we have laws that are put in place to assist and protect us. There are federal laws that find discrimination of all kinds illegal; other laws prohibit sexual harassment and still others protect us from being bullied. We simply must have the courage to stand up, fight and take our individual rights and power back. The more that we do this, the less we will find violence and bullies in our workplaces…not matter what the size of our organization. 

Check out the U.S. Department of Justice’s web site, (www.usdoj.gov) or peruse different sites that are focused on addressing violence within the workplace. You might be surprised at just how many there are and how simple it can be to take a stand. Do some research on how to become more assertive in your life, and how to do this without having to become aggressive. It is easier than you think. Becoming assertive is a learned behavior, just like learning the skills that you use in your work; assertiveness is a life skill that you have to care enough about yourself to actually do something about. The good news is; you don’t need a college degree to begin taking better care of yourself or to learn to love who you are. You just need to take the first step!

 **********************************************************

Your Beliefs Determine Your Money and Your Wealth

By Dr. Jane F. Cundy

Our state of wealth is a direct correlation to how our parents and families related to money along with how we feel inside ourselves and what we believe is possible. We could actually draw a straight line from our beliefs around wealth, money, or prosperity directly back to how our parents related to money, wealth and prosperity.

Wealth is represented differently for each of us. For some wealth can be money, for others to be wealthy means an advanced education, many people count their wealth by the number of friends they have or their level of spiritual growth. Yet I am aware that some of the clichés around money or wealth, while not specific and the same for each of us, when expanded into larger generalities, will be represented quite similarly.

The phrases; “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” “you must work hard to make money,” or “waste not, want not” when used as generalities, will encompass most of our individual beliefs regarding money and wealth. Additional clichés include “money is hard to get,” “money is for other people, but not for me,” the list goes on and our pain grows larger and deeper generation to generation.

Interestingly enough, over 75% of our population, when questioned or when working through their old limiting beliefs, come to realize that the expression “money doesn’t grow on trees” is in part one of the root causes of their core beliefs around their limited income.  In some way their families instilled the limiting belief that money is difficult to get, there is a limit to the supply or they were not worthy of receiving their dreams and desires. This does not mean that all of these individuals are not making what you might consider “good money,” it just means that they have not experienced the level of wealth that they believe is possible or would ultimately choose to enjoy. In some way, each one of them has limiting beliefs around what they deem possible to achieve. There is definitely a glass ceiling over money.

Some individuals believe that they can only earn a certain amount of money. After that it is too much, or they were told growing up that they would never be worth any more than a certain amount. They may even have been taught that to have money in large amounts is not spiritual! In order to be a good member of your religion, you can not have an abundance of money. If this is one of the core beliefs that you might be hanging on to, it could be time to let it go.

What are your beliefs regarding money and wealth, and how do they hold you captive? What do you think is possible for you and why do you have a glass ceiling around that?  Are you ready to release the old captivating beliefs and embrace more empowering ones for your state of wealth? If so, today is the day to take charge.

Please  Contact me for ways to release your limiting beliefs and change your unwanted behaviors